Monday, February 28, 2011

You and Me, Me and You...

Last weekend, Steve and the oldest three boys abandoned me for this:
Purple Mountain Majesty...
Soaring Ski Slopes...
Crystal Capped Conifers...
Fabulous Frosty Family Fun.
After sulking for about 3 hours over my morning coffee because me and my side-kick Henry were each too big and too small to go on the ski trip, I started to imagine my 3 little men rolling into snowballs at uncontrollable speeds down the mountain. Then, I began to freak out.  From sulking to freaking, the emotions were just too much.  Searching for a brown paper sack to control the current hyperventilative state,  I started praying with fury that the boys' guardian angels would rescue them from any potential painful encounters with trees, cliff edges or other skiers.  The sulking subsided, my little Henry awoke, so we watched the news over waffles and OJ.
I agree.  The news is often a real nail-biter.  All in favor of Tom and Jerry say "I."
Even though there's an ice warning outside, should we defy the weather man and go seek out our own fun??
Absolutely!!! Let's shake off our blankies and roll outta this cave!
No respectable man goes to town with his mama with bad hair.  Cherry scented hair spray is the answer.  It smells oh-so-good.  Good enough to make me chase you into the bathtub trap just to sniff those sweet blonde locks! Off to town we go...
There is only so much you can do in a small town on a cold, dreary day.  A local garden center/pet shop was the first stop on our list.  Animals for you, seed and plant day-dreaming for me....
We found some interesting creatures - cute, not so cute, curious and creepy, they had it all.  This is a Halloween crab.  Just chillin.' Ewwww.
Some species of Iguana.  I like his funky striped tail and the tracks he makes in the sand. Kind of like the tracks my rebels are making right now with their skis in the sparkling fluffy white snow.  More sulking.
Mice.  My mama taught me not to hate, but all mental and emotional self-control goes up in flames of fury when I see a mouse.  Or mice.  I hate them with a passion.  No reading of "The Mouse and the Motorcycle" or "Redwall" tales will ever change my mind or soften my heart.  They are gross. They have wreaked havoc on my garages in homes past.  I don't have a garage now.  But if I did, I would fill it with big mean cats and mouse traps.  And, I don't even like cats, but they're waaaaaaay better than their rodent nemesis.
A Boa.  Reminds me of one of my class-mates from elementary school who recited the poem "I'm being Eaten by a Boa Constrictor" at our fourth grade talent show.  Way cooler than my dorky piano number.  From that day on I was snake-a-phobic.  Thanks Kim.
These are diamond doves.  I just thought they were so cute.  I imagined them to be 3 females gossiping about the feisty yellow number in the cage next door.....
 "Whada you lookin' at, huh?" (I told ya he was feisty!)
Is that a Fruit Loop in his bowl??  Is that my stomach growling??  How dare he have a snack attack in front of a pregnant lady!!!!
No, I am not taking you home.  Four boys, a baby and a Ferret in a trailer house is enough to spin any mother into an unhealthy addiction.

Now about that hunger....where should we go for lunch Henry?? What's that you say, McDonald's?? (gasp).  Um, ok, McDonald's kind of sends me into freak out mode (again) but, for you, my love, on this cold, icy day, I'll do anything.
 Do not try this at home.  Only at McDonald's play land.
How dare you fake-nap in front of the sleep deprived pregnant lady?? Don't give me "tired", young man. Napping is no joking matter.  Can we eat now??
Lunch status:  Salad and a water: $5.49. Happy Meal: $4.29.
Juice box=inhaled.
Hamburger = sniffed and rejected.
Fries = two partially nibbled. Leftovers staring at mom in temptation.
Toy = broken.
Box re-purposed into a super rad red helmet = PRICELESS!!! (He gets his re-purpose/recycle skills from Moi.  Such a smart boy.)

And, the helmet, the prize crown of the ruler of McDonald's playland, was the headdress of choice for the remainder of the day.  The post-office.  Target.  Home Depot.  Oh, the looks.  The attention.

I'm cold.  Let's go back to our cave.  Hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles anyone???
"Step away from the chocolaty frothy goodness, mama."  Boys are sooooo territorial.  Sheesh!
Do we look like we're having fun, Henry??  We need to look like we're having fun, so we can send this pic to daddy, so he knows we are not hiding under blankies, sulking, freaking out or jealously counting the moments 'till the rebels come home.  Nope, there's only fun here.  So much fun, they'll probably want to come home early! Those purple mountain majesty slopes ain't got nuthin' on us!!!

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