Not the "I raised my voice to get their attention" type of yell. This was a yell, yell.
And, then, to make matters worse I also said crap.
Then, I slammed the bathroom door, stepped on a Lego and said crap again.
It wasn't pretty.
I staggered through the day with horns on my head and warts on my nose, the only thing missing was a cape and a broom. Lovely.
Thankfully, my mother-in-law saw my white flag of shame and surrender waving from across the yard, and came over to watch the boys so that I could go for a run and get some perspective.
And, that really is when I really know God loves me - when He gives me some perspective - carefully, yet lovingly positioned right between the eyes. BAM!
For me, the Father's love is NOT just experienced when I feel successful as a mom: my house is tidy, the kids are sweet, my hair is behaving and supper is devoured with smiles, veggies and all. It's when I'm trudging blindly through my sinful ways, in deep need of rescue, and He reaches down into the muck and wipes the pride from my eyes so that I can see life, reality and my shortcomings more clearly.
That's when I know He loves me. That's when I know His Mercy. That's when I know I get to begin again.
Running doesn't take me away from my problems, it takes me into them. It helps me get a handle on things and strengthens my resolve to choose a different and better path.
That day, before I knew it, four miles of gravel road were behind me and my vision (thankfully) had shifted....
Our family loves to play the game "Headbands." It produces more side-stitching laughter than any other game we've ever played.
KEEP PERSPECTIVE (look Mommy, I found what you were looking for, a little perspective! It goes great with my cracker!)...
and to WATCH MY TONE OF VOICE.
The next day I was grocery shopping with all of the boys, and a very kind woman approached me and thoughtfully explained that she had been watching me with my sons, and that she appreciated hearing positive encouraging words instead of yelling. I wanted to tell her about my eruption, the yellow headbands and my new favorite wine, but I just smiled graciously and winked at the boys.
Thank goodness they forgave me, and they still love me, warts, horns, big yellow billboard headbands and all!