You and Me, Me and You...

Last weekend, Steve and the oldest three boys abandoned me for this:

Purple Mountain Majesty...

Soaring Ski Slopes...

Crystal Capped Conifers...

Fabulous Frosty Family Fun.

REBELS!!!

After sulking for about 3 hours over my morning coffee because me and my side-kick Henry were each too big and too small to go on the ski trip, I started to imagine my 3 little men rolling into snowballs at uncontrollable speeds down the mountain. Then, I began to freak out.  From sulking to freaking, the emotions were just too much.  Searching for a brown paper sack to control the current hyperventilative state,  I started praying with fury that the boys' guardian angels would rescue them from any potential painful encounters with trees, cliff edges or other skiers.  The sulking subsided, my little Henry awoke, so we watched the news over waffles and OJ.

I agree.  The news is often a real nail-biter.  All in favor of Tom and Jerry say "I."

Even though there's an ice warning outside, should we defy the weather man and go seek out our own fun??

Absolutely!!! Let's shake off our blankies and roll outta this cave!

No respectable man goes to town with his mama with bad hair.  Cherry scented hair spray is the answer.  It smells oh-so-good.  Good enough to make me chase you into the bathtub trap just to sniff those sweet blonde locks! Off to town we go...

There is only so much you can do in a small town on a cold, dreary day.  A local garden center/pet shop was the first stop on our list.  Animals for you, seed and plant day-dreaming for me....

We found some interesting creatures - cute, not so cute, curious and creepy, they had it all.  This is a Halloween crab.  Just chillin.' Ewwww.

Some species of Iguana.  I like his funky striped tail and the tracks he makes in the sand. Kind of like the tracks my rebels are making right now with their skis in the sparkling fluffy white snow.  More sulking.

Mice.  My mama taught me not to hate, but all mental and emotional self-control goes up in flames of fury when I see a mouse.  Or mice.  I hate them with a passion.  No reading of "The Mouse and the Motorcycle" or "Redwall" tales will ever change my mind or soften my heart.  They are gross. They have wreaked havoc on my garages in homes past.  I don't have a garage now.  But if I did, I would fill it with big mean cats and mouse traps.  And, I don't even like cats, but they're waaaaaaay better than their rodent nemesis.

A Boa.  Reminds me of one of my class-mates from elementary school who recited the poem "I'm being Eaten by a Boa Constrictor" at our fourth grade talent show.  Way cooler than my dorky piano number.  From that day on I was snake-a-phobic.  Thanks Kim.

These are diamond doves.  I just thought they were so cute.  I imagined them to be 3 females gossiping about the feisty yellow number in the cage next door.....

 "Whada you lookin' at, huh?" (I told ya he was feisty!)

Is that a Fruit Loop in his bowl??  Is that my stomach growling??  How dare he have a snack attack in front of a pregnant lady!!!!

No, I am not taking you home.  Four boys, a baby and a Ferret in a trailer house is enough to spin any mother into an unhealthy addiction.

Now about that hunger....where should we go for lunch Henry?? What's that you say, McDonald's?? (gasp).  Um, ok, McDonald's kind of sends me into freak out mode (again) but, for you, my love, on this cold, icy day, I'll do anything.

 Do not try this at home.  Only at McDonald's play land.

How dare you fake-nap in front of the sleep deprived pregnant lady?? Don't give me "tired", young man. Napping is no joking matter.  Can we eat now??

Lunch status:  Salad and a water: $5.49. Happy Meal: $4.29.
Juice box=inhaled.
Hamburger = sniffed and rejected.
Fries = two partially nibbled. Leftovers staring at mom in temptation.
Toy = broken.
Box re-purposed into a super rad red helmet = PRICELESS!!! (He gets his re-purpose/recycle skills from Moi.  Such a smart boy.)

And, the helmet, the prize crown of the ruler of McDonald's playland, was the headdress of choice for the remainder of the day.  The post-office.  Target.  Home Depot.  Oh, the looks.  The attention.

I'm cold.  Let's go back to our cave.  Hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles anyone???

"Step away from the chocolaty frothy goodness, mama."  Boys are sooooo territorial.  Sheesh!

Do we look like we're having fun, Henry??  We need to look like we're having fun, so we can send this pic to daddy, so he knows we are not hiding under blankies, sulking, freaking out or jealously counting the moments 'till the rebels come home.  Nope, there's only fun here.  So much fun, they'll probably want to come home early! Those purple mountain majesty slopes ain't got nuthin' on us!!!

Kari Jobe: You Are For Me

Suffering is a deep and powerful mystery. None of us can escape it. And, it reaches us at different levels, at different times and for different reasons. Reasons that are never easy, and often incomprehensible.


Perhaps the most confounding aspect of suffering is it's ability, or God's ability rather, to bring fruit into the world, into our communities, our homes, our own personal souls through suffering.....if we will allow Him.


Yesterday I woke up from a very restless night of broken sleep. Splashing cool water on swollen eyes in an attempt to wake a weary body, for a moment I paused, catching a glimpse of the woman looking back at me in the mirror. I couldn't ignore the affects that the physical demands of life these past few years, and 9 months especially, have had on me. That moment was quiet, quick, and still, yet filled with thoughts, questions and emotions that from out of no where crept up and crossed my concious, catching me off guard. I didn't want to feel this way. I squinted through the droplets of water, wondering if I could still see her - the girl of 5, 15, 25 - hidden in the present, swollen and tired 35. 


I leaned over the sink, the cold water still running over my hands, hands so swollen I knew it was time for the wedding band to rest on the dresser for these few final weeks. Tired and achy, I continued the morning routine, trying to ignore those passing thoughts and focusing instead on the simple sound of birds singing outside the window. Their sweetness reminded me of Spring. Every Spring, actually, since childhood until now. Isn't it funny how familiar sounds and scents, can awaken the memory of the soul, breaking through the inner-dormancy that often overwhelms the mind and heart during long winter days, weeks, months?

Thinking about yourself: who you are, who you were, where you've been, isn't always easy. Moving through time, working, aching, giving, sharing, answering to every call, "Yes, I am here" to those who need you. But the startling question of that moment was "I - who am I?" The I am mom, wife, friend, athlete, musician, writer....all the things that we think mark our character or make us unique....sometimes seem grey, feel lost, invisible. That morning I felt worn out, a little empty, a little lonely for the girl of the past, the one I couldn't find in the mirror, the girl of 5, 15, 25...

Then, just as quickly as the inner conversation between mind and soul began, so came the conclusion. I felt the breath of God gently move over me, rescuing me from self-pity, rescuing me from myself. I felt him say, "When you forget who you are, remember Who I Am. I am faithful, true, loving, strong, generous....I am Father. I am with you. I am for you."

I share this with you, because I know that today in some way, you will suffer. No matter how slight or how deep, you will suffer. So many of us have moments that can sneak up on us and send us into places that are difficult to experience, they can be lonely, frightening, frustrating and difficult to share with others. Maybe it's a moment, maybe it's hours, or days. Questions that need answers, or answers that aren't what we expect or want to hear. Whatever it is, wherever it is, when we forget who we are, we can remember who God Is. Amen.

I hope you enjoy this song, it has ministered to me many, many times, especially when it is difficult to pray. (You may have to click on the "Watch on YouTube" link.)

So faithful, so constant
So loving and so true, so powerful in all you do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

CHORUS
I know that you are for me I know that you are for me
I know that you will never, forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

VERSE 2
So patient, so gracious
So merciful and true, so wonderul in all you do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move You love for me to sing to you